“Motherhood is the exquisite inconvenience of being another person’s everything”
– Marguerite Kelly.
Becoming a mother is one of life’s most beautiful transformations. It fills your heart with love, your days with purpose, and your world with little moments of joy that make everything worthwhile. But, alongside the beauty, there’s also an undeniable shift – your priorities change, your routines revolve around someone else, and somewhere in between, you may feel that finding yourself after motherhood is not possible.
This feeling is more common than you think. Many mothers quietly wonder if the person they used to be is still there beneath the layers of caregiving, responsibilities, and expectations. But here’s the truth: finding yourself isn’t about leaving motherhood behind. It’s about finding a way to embrace both – you, as a mother, and you, as your unique self!
It’s not easy, but it’s possible. And it’s worth it!
Ever Wondered What Matrescence Is?
Did you know there’s a word for the emotional and physical transformation that happens when you become a mom? It’s called matrescence, a term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s. It’s a lot like adolescence, a time when everything about you shifts and changes.
During matrescence, a mother may experience:
- Hormonal shifts
- Emotional highs and lows
- Changes in identity and priorities
- A sense of loss for her pre-motherhood self, combined with joy for her new role
Becoming a mother isn’t just about sleepless nights and diapers. It’s about a ton-load of changes that you’ve to deal with. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t end after the postpartum phase. Matrescence can last for years as you figure out who you are in this new role. Knowing this helps. It reminds us that it’s normal to feel joy and exhaustion at the same time. It’s okay to love being a mom but also miss the person you used to be. Both feelings can live side by side, and that’s perfectly fine!
How Motherhood Redefines Your Identity
Motherhood changes you in profound ways. Your priorities shift, your routines adapt, and your relationships take on new meaning. While it’s a transformative journey, many mothers silently wonder, “Who am I now?”
Research shows that 60% of mothers feel like they lose a part of their identity after having children (Motherly, 2022). This shift is natural, but it can also feel overwhelming.
1. When Priorities and Routines Take a New Shape
Motherhood naturally reshapes your life. What once seemed important; career goals, hobbies, or even social events, might take a backseat. Instead, your time is devoted to feeding schedules, school runs, and endless to-do lists.
This new focus is rewarding, but it can also feel all-consuming. Sometimes, it feels like there’s no space left for you.
2. The Emotional Toll of Losing Yourself After Motherhood
With all these changes, it’s easy to feel disconnected from your pre-motherhood self. You might miss the person you used to be.
Or you may feel guilty for wanting time for yourself.These emotions are valid. Wanting balance doesn’t mean you love your child any less. It simply means you’re human.
3. Society’s Unrealistic Expectations vs Constant Struggle to Find Yourself After Motherhood
Society often glorifies the “perfect mom.” You’re expected to do it all; raise a family, manage a home, build a career, and never complain. These unrealistic standards can make you feel like you’re falling short.
But here’s the truth: perfection isn’t real. What your child needs most is a happy, healthy version of you!!
Practical Steps to Find Yourself After Motherhood
Rediscovering yourself as a mother takes time, patience, and small, intentional steps. It’s not about going back to the past but about weaving the old you into the new. Here’s how you can start.
1. Reflect on Who You Were Before Motherhood
Think back to the person you were before your baby arrived. What made you excited? What were your dreams, goals, and hobbies? Take a moment to write them down. Acknowledge how some of these have changed. Ask yourself what still matters and what you’d like to revive. According to a Motherly report, over 51% of moms say journaling or reflecting helps them reconnect with themselves. This isn’t about erasing the changes motherhood brings. It’s about honoring them while remembering the passions that make you, you!!
2. Carve Out Time for Yourself
Self-care doesn’t have to mean hours away from your family. Small, consistent moments can make a big difference. Start with 10 minutes of reading, a short walk, or journaling before bed. A study by the American Psychological Association shows that even 15 minutes of daily “me time” can significantly reduce stress levels. So, prioritize yourself without guilt. Remember, taking care of you makes you a better mom!
3. Revisit Old Passions and Try New Ones to Find Your True Self
Take a moment to reconnect with the hobbies you once loved or explore something entirely new. Whether it’s painting, writing, or gardening, these activities are more than just pastimes, they’re ways to express yourself.
4. Build a Support System to Find Yourself After Motherhood
Motherhood can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Friends, family, or even a mom’s group can provide encouragement and advice.
If you’re struggling emotionally, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Studies show that 1 in 5 mothers experiences postpartum depression, but many go untreated. Therapy can be a safe space to process your feelings and set boundaries.
5. Redefine Your Goals and Purpose
Motherhood may be a part of who you are, but it’s not all you are. Set personal goals outside of parenting. They don’t have to be big, you can start with something simple, like learning a skill or setting a fitness goal.
Research from Psychology Today reveals that moms who work toward personal growth report higher levels of happiness and fulfillment. Achieving balance doesn’t mean doing it all. It means creating a life that feels right for you.
So remember, rediscovering yourself isn’t selfish. It’s essential. You’re still the woman with dreams, passions, and a purpose beyond motherhood. Take one small step today, and let it guide you back to yourself.
How to Overcome Guilt and Societal Pressure
It’s common for mothers to feel guilty when they take time for themselves. Society often sends the message that a “good mom” sacrifices everything, leaving no room for personal growth. But focusing on yourself doesn’t make you less of a mom. It makes you stronger, happier, and more present for your family. Here are some ways through which you can overcome the societal pressure:
1. Shift Your Mindset with Positive Affirmations
Start by reminding yourself that you are more than your role as a mother. Simple affirmations like, “I am more than just a mom; I am a whole person,” can help reframe your thoughts. Speak to yourself with kindness, just as you would to a friend.
Here are some powerful unconditional self-love affirmations for moms:
- “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”
- “Taking care of myself is a priority, not a luxury.”
- “I am allowed to have dreams outside of motherhood.”
- “I am a good mom, even when I need a break.”
- “My worth is not measured by how much I do for others.”
- “It’s okay to ask for help. I don’t have to do this alone.”
- “I deserve kindness and patience, especially from myself.”
- “Self-care is an investment in my family’s happiness.”
- “I am learning and growing every day.”
- “I am more than enough, exactly as I am.”
2. Seek Validation From Within to Find Your True self Motherhood
Societal expectations can be relentless. But rather than striving to meet external standards, focus on what truly matters to you. Ask yourself: Am I happy? Am I fulfilled? Trust your answers. They hold more weight than anyone else’s opinion.
3. Remember: Self-Care Benefits Everyone
When you take care of yourself, you’re not neglecting your family, you’re strengthening it. Research shows that children thrive when their parents are emotionally healthy and balanced. By prioritizing your well-being, you’re creating a happier, healthier environment for everyone at home.
Let go of guilt. You deserve joy, fulfillment, and peace, and embracing them doesn’t take away from your love as a mother. It enhances it!
Finding Yourself After Motherhood: A Living Legend Mom
J.K. Rowling, the woman behind the magical world of Harry Potter, wasn’t always a global literary icon. Before her fame, she was a single mom in Edinburgh, struggling to make ends meet while raising her young daughter. Life wasn’t easy, she battled depression, faced financial hardships, and often felt lost in the daily demands of motherhood.
But amidst her struggles, Rowling turned to writing, a passion she had always cherished. Sitting in cafes while her daughter napped, she began crafting the story of a boy wizard who would one day capture the hearts of millions. For Rowling, writing wasn’t just an escape, it was a way to reconnect with herself, to rediscover the creative spirit she thought she had lost.
When Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997, it didn’t just change her life; it showed the world the power of resilience and self-discovery. Her story reminds that motherhood doesn’t mean giving up on who you are. Instead, it can be the spark that reignites your passions, proving that it’s never too late to turn your dreams into reality. J.K. Rowling isn’t just a literary legend, she’s a living example of how rediscovering yourself can lead to extraordinary things!!
FAQs
1. How finding yourself after motherhood be a part of personal growth?
Motherhood often brings out parts of us we didn’t know existed. It teaches patience, resilience, and empathy. While it can feel like you’re losing yourself, it’s really an opportunity to grow, rediscover passions, and redefine what matters. You might be surprised by the strength and creativity you find within yourself.
2. How do you balance personal goals with motherhood without feeling guilty?
Balancing both can be tough, but it’s all about small, manageable steps. Take a few moments for yourself every day, even if it’s just five minutes. And remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it makes you a better mom. It’s about finding what works for you and being gentle with yourself along the way.